Five Years

Around this time five years ago I was in the lobby of the Louvre, having a breakdown. I was jet-lagged, starving and ached for my baby. Not many people have a angry whisper fight with their new husband amongst Roman antiquities on their honeymoon. I don't remember what I was angry at you for, just that I was angry. Angry that we were fighting in Paris on our honeymoon. Because thats not what you're supposed to do. Honeymooners don't fight. Don't ask me about the logic there (we're fighting because I'm mad that we're fighting). I don't remember how we resolved it. I held onto my shame about that fight for awhile. I would never admit to anyone that our honeymoon was anything other than charming, lovely and romantic. I would never admit I was on edge, cranky and sad. But the truth is, it was charming, lovely and romantic. Stumbling upon an open air market, holding your hand at the top of the Eiffel tower while you begged to go back down, meeting the couple from Georgia in a graveyard, the same Goldfrapp song on the tv all week, gray skies and wet leaves. And when I think about the obstacles in our way of enjoying that week, its a little bit amazing to me. We never got used to the time change. We'd never left our baby boy longer than one night before. We had no money for good food. We knew two words in French. And if I want to get really philosophical and cheesy about it, that week is a good metaphor for our what our life together has been. Its been charming, lovely, and romantic. And we've been on edge, cranky and sad.

We've had so many "obstacles" in our life that could have gotten in the way of enjoying it. But its all been amazing. Because I'm with you. Because we duck under that wave hand in hand and come up, gasping for breath, laughing and ready for the next one.

Happy Anniversary babe, I love you.